Do you smile and feel good when you tell your "how-we-met" story, or does your voice sound full of regret and negative energy? This might be a much more important question than most people realize, as a book excerpted by MSNBC suggests that how you tell your story indicates with amazing accuracy whether or not the union will end in divorce.
A University of Washington study in which oral histories of married couples were recorded and analyzed predicted with 94 percent accuracy which marriages would last and which wouldn't.
Newlyweds may not want to call an Illinois family lawyer if the how-we-met story is told with lackluster enthusiasm, since the study concludes that it isn't as great of a predictor for newlyweds.
The excerpt is from "For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage," by Tara Parker Pope.
How a couple met is not that important; researchers said it has more to do with the way the story is retold, shedding light on how the current state of the relationship affects the retelling of the first encounter.
The 1992 study recorded how-we-met stories from couples that had been married for an average of five years (individually), including videotaping and body monitoring. After three years, the researchers revisited each couple and then were able to match their predictions with the actual outcomes.
The human brain surges with dopamine at the beginning stages of a romantic relationship, making lovebirds feel euphoric and even somewhat deficient in rational thought. Long after the honeymoon, those whose relationships are still strong remember the early days with similarly happy feelings:
In addition to having your partner tell your how-we-met story, listen to yourself and how you tell the story of your early courtship. What you learn will provide a useful snapshot of the state of your marriage today.
Related Resources:
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Deciding Whether or Not to Divorce (FindLaw)
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To Predict Divorce, Ask 125 Questions (The New York Times)
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