Divorce Puts Strain On Shared Friendships

If you're like most married couples, nearly all of your friends also happen to be your spouse's friends. Married couples tend to spend time with other married couples, so what happens to these shared friendships when a marriage ends in divorce?

It would be nice if divorce attorneys in Chicago (or anywhere else) could negotiate an equitable division of "marital friendships," but of course it doesn't work that way.

But what if those friendships also happen to be family members, as a letter written to Chicago Tribune advice column "Ask Amy" illustrates?

A woman wrote about her sister "Carol," who was married for 10 years to "Steve." He cheated on her, they divorced and he eventually married and had a child with the other woman. However, she's concerned that Steve and his new family remain close friends of her (and Carol's) other sister, "Sarah" (the names in the column have been changed to ensure anonymity).

The woman writing to Amy asks whether this relationship is appropriate:

"My other sister 'Sarah' and her husband have maintained a close relationship with Steve and his new family. ... Carol is really hurt that Sarah and her husband recently visited Steve at his home, in the same city Carol lives in -- and they didn't even bother to visit her!"

Amy begins her response by stating the obvious: "When in-laws become fully integrated into a family, it's hard on everyone when the marriage ends." But she insists that attention and concern during a difficult divorce deserves to be "lavished" onto the family member.

A 2008 article in The Independent discusses the difficulty of dividing friends after a divorce; quoting relationship expert Judi James:

"Even if a couple have been together for many years and the friends have become mutual friends, it is amazing how people pull rank when you go through a divorce and say, 'They were my friends originally.'"

In any event, it's probably always a painful process. If you need help in order to make the divorce process less painful, it is probably best to contact a Chicago Family Law attorney.

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